What Do You Go to the Fridge For?

Gossip, shopping, podcasts, purpose, and other things we reach for

Happy first week of school for some, a big eclipse in something for others, and a 30-day countdown to the Jewish New Year for me. Feels right that the new year starts around the start of the school year, so even if you’re not Jewish, feel free to start fresh with me! But before we get to start fresh, we get to hit refresh for a full month and review our year: our habits, our relationships with others, and especially with ourselves. We’re told to be introspective and take stock, but not too much, not so much that you go hard on yourself, just enough to be slightly smug (in the good way) that you’ve changed.

So in that spirit of prepping for this new month of Elul, I listened to my friend Aura Rosenblatt’s podcast, Divine Detour. This month’s episode was all about how to find your purpose and how you know when you’re in it. She interviews Rabbi Moshe Genuth, who really breaks down the signals to know if you’re in your purpose. It’s a great listen. Hint: you’ll feel confidence from what you’re doing. Makes sense to me! I still don’t think I’m in my purpose, but perhaps I’m closer? It’s certainly not this Substack, I can barely get it out. But I still thank you for reading!

There’s an idea in Tanya (Jewish mysticism) that we have two souls, a divine soul and an animal soul, both living in us, both wanting things, constantly competing for our attention. The animal soul wants what feels good and immediately satisfying. The divine soul wants connection to something bigger. The goal isn’t to get rid of the animal soul, or simply live for your divine soul. We’re supposed to learn to harness both. I often live too much in my divine soul. You can’t just pray all day and hope for the best, you need a little “dog in ya” too, as they say.

At some point, Rabbi Moshe Genuth describes what happens when you’re anxious or uncomfortable in your life, and he says: “What do you go to the fridge for?” I’ve tried to go back and find the exact clip and I can’t, so I might be half misremembering it or half inventing it at this point. Either way, it stuck.

So when we’re uncomfortable, where do we go? What’s your fridge? I literally don’t go to the fridge anymore, I’m on a GLP-1, but I’ve found other ways to replace those urges.

My version of going to the fridge is gossip. I love it, not the mean kind, the fun kind. You know, the kind where you’re harmlessly giggling or connecting over titillating info. It can feel electric. I’ll give a more current example, since I won’t gossip about people I actually know here, I have limits. I can’t get enough of the Lindsay Clancy trial. Every last clip convinces me of something different. This feels like ultimate gossip to me. I’m sure somewhere in Sapiens it says gossip is good for you, but we do sort of know when we’ve hit our limit, and mine might be looking up Patrick Clancy’s Boston Marathon run time after the horrific murder of his children. The case itself is obviously incredibly serious, especially everything it’s brought up around postpartum mental health and the ways the system can fail women. The TikTok trial obsession is at least bringing attention to that. But do I personally need to be chatting about it this much? Probably not. I should probably be writing this Substack instead. Or should I?

So I keep casually asking my friends: What do you go to the fridge for? And also getting some recs, because we can learn from everyone, including other people’s mistakes.

Fitness

Fitness isn’t my kink, and I wish it were. At the Hoffman Institute, where you spend a week offline working on your emotions, you weren’t allowed to work out, read, or do anything that’s normally a tool but can veer into a distraction. A woman in my group had a full meltdown about not being able to work out. I couldn’t relate, but I respected it.

But I will recommend Burn LA from fashion queen Lauren Sherman, a hot Pilates class she brought to my attention, where everyone’s on their phone in the sweaty red light. I signed up this week, accidentally, for the Build class, the weights one, and took it with teen boys, gym bros, and hot moms. I was genuinely surprised by the teen boys working out, but I guess everyone’s vain now. Anyway, the class was fabulous, they have an intro special, and the instructor was great but tried to get us all to take a pic after class. I ran out and he still tagged me. Look at that endurance.

Shopping

This week I actually said I can’t wait to be so rich that I have a shopping problem. It’s important to aspire to material things too, we can’t all just be spiritual workers, you know? But beyond the financial, I don’t have the skill for shopping. I do love looking over at a friend at dinner scrolling her cart. Going to the fridge while you’re AT dinner? Now that’s some real distraction.

I’m a blessed Build-A-Bear, the recipient of all my fashionable friends either literally giving me clothes or telling me what to get. But here are things I’d actually spend money on. I got a pair of Levi’s capri pants from Scout LA, and I guess I’m saying it: capri pants are truly the solve for the summer jean.

I also just got a bunch of Favorite Daughter sweaters and basically need to move to New York because of them.

And here’s where I sell you the High Sport set in red, genuinely expensive, but I’ve decided it’s a cost-per-wear situation. I wear the black one on planes, trains, automobiles, everywhere. Worth it. It makes me want to work at an art gallery or direct a movie in these pants. You can’t go wrong with these forever pants.

TV

Literally, people binge watch, so this doesn’t need much explanation.

I started Sterling Point last week on a Wednesday and finished by Friday. It’s set in what’s basically the Hamptons of Canada, and it’ll feel familiar if you’ve seen the Steve Martin documentary, the one where Martin Short talks about raising his family at a lake house with a group of friends. I don’t know your teen-drama tolerance, but it could be for you. It’s from Josh Schwartz of The O.C. and Gossip Girl, and it’s low stakes, about sisters who find each other later in life. I love sisters. I also think we’re ready to move away from everything being about murder. Just give us the beach town and interpersonal relationships! Bonus a great soundtrack.

Books

Reading has always been a real escape hatch for me. Once, on a family trip to South America as a kid, I read 23 Sweet Valley High books, and when I ran out, I found the hotel’s stash of Danielle Steel novels. It took my parents a few days to notice. I’m also a speed reader, which isn’t a brag, it’s more that when I finish a book it feels like I’ve been huffing paint. Gone, immediately, on to the next thing. So whether I read these or I’m just recommending them is none of your business.

Apparently I read like Jenna now. This month’s pick is The Shampoo Effect by Jenny Jackson, her July Read With Jenna choice, a summer read, a small town story with a very messy love triangle.

I Want You to Be Happy by Jem Calder is very modern, supposed to be Sally Rooney-ish, and it delivers.

Food

Obviously there are still some people not on a GLP-1 who still use food to distract. I very much miss that distraction, my food noise is gone, and so are all my desires? Anyway, I still have some stuff that lights me up, and it’s these GoodPop electrolytes. How ED of me to suggest this, but it’s true, I love anything that promises electrolytes since I barely drink water.

Drinking

Every week there’s either a study saying no one’s drinking anymore, or one saying everyone’s drinking more than ever. Either way, anything fun like this isn’t really fun on a GLP-1, but I do like having a drink once in a while. I feel left out of the Aperol spritz thing since I don’t drink wine, so I’ve basically invented my own version: Aperol and soda. Looks like it’s been done but try it anyway!

Podcasts

I’ve been on record with friends saying podcasts are pure noise. I can often predict a friend’s impending divorce when I hear she’s started falling asleep to true crime podcasts before bed. But sometimes you need that noise, when you don’t want to listen to your own. Sure, there’s music for that too, but that’s another post. During The Artist’s Way, they have you do a media deprivation week, and since the book is from back in the day, I decided that included podcasts, and did no podcasts for a week. Turns out I have my own takes, once random strangers I have parasocial relationships with stop talking at me.

Here are some podcasts for noise, the fun kind, like friends in your ear:

• Seek Treatment

• Celebrity Book Club

• How Long Gone

• Poog

• Jam Session

• Good Noticings

• The Toast

• Giggly Squad

For spiritual stuff:

• Divine Detour

• Human and Holy

• Gedale Fenster

• Abraham Hicks

• David Ghiyam

• Tara Brach

Take of the Week

This one comes from my new girlies at Giggly Squad, talking about making your partner your homey. Like, you’re not going to cheat on your homey? You’re not going to be disrespectful to your homey? That’s insane. It’s made me giggle all week. Married people, are you being kind to your homies?

Anyway, we’re never going to stop needing to go to the fridge, until maybe they invent a pill for that. But for now, let’s do some Elul stocktaking on why we’re going in the first place. So at least when you do, even if it’s less often, have some fun with it.