Self help is out and God is in.

We have tried everything and now we are trying God.

I live in Los Angeles, the capital of self reflection that is often just a form of self indulgence. And part of this Substack is going to be a real inventory of all the things I have tried to do to better myself. I have tried every healing modality ever. Psychedelics, journeys, ceremonies, retreats. I have exhausted my friends and therapists and psychics and have even had my energy cleared over WhatsApp. I have done it all and I actually get a kick out of that now. Less shame, more names. THEY ARE ALL CROOKS. Just kidding, I believe all of it “works if you work” it vibes, but I also think it is a downward spiral.I was addicted to bettering myself, addicted to self help, to the extent that I would completely lose, maybe even temporarily find, myself in a new theory. Attachment style. Artist Way. The Tools. Getting the Love. Let Them. All of it. All the ways to maybe avoid some ultimate truth that I am really flawed or really perfect and I have to accept that. No one has a book on that yet and maybe someone should write one or the truth NO ONE WOULD BUY THAT.

But this year I tried one thing I would not say is “working,” but it is part of the constant conversation life means to me. Talking to God out loud for twenty minutes a day like a friend. To know I am not alone. To hear myself. To know I have the power to make sense and often make absolutely no sense at all. You might see me on a walk just chatting away. My hack is I put headphones in so people think I am singing or having a breakdown or breakthrough. The best part of these conversations is that I do not NEED to really know the difference between prayer and asking or trust and faith or virtues or ethics or if I am spiritual or if I am religious. I am just literally talking and hearing myself, not a helper or a healer. Myself. That is the real version of self help. HELP YOURSELF.

But also self help can be a sign of boredom. And an unfulfilled life. And there are many books that promise to show you how to live a fulfilled life too and I have probably read those as well. It all makes me feel like the real lesson is to sit with the discomfort of not fixing. And to ask what if there was no industry of self help at all and we turned to something else. Something maybe higher power esq.

So do we need self help or do we need G-d. (I spell it this way when I am feeling superstitious.) I once told a friend that I was superstitious over the spelling of G-d and she said “I think god would be ok with us spelling it anyway we want.” I agree. My kind of G-d is chill on spellcheck.

So my trend this month is God. And some of the ways it shows up in my life and in the culture. I know saying the word God is very heavy for some people who grew up with difficult expressions of it and some who cannot imagine connecting to anything spiritual. And what does a spiritual life even mean. We do not have great philosophers anymore. We have modern day experts like Andrew Huberman (who believes in God by the way. )And I think we are missing the essential truth that is expressed in AA meetings. A higher power as you see it. We are all looking for a higher power as we see it to guide us and to let us get away from self.

And listen, if you do not agree with me, remember I am not a doctor and neither are any of the healers you are probably going to.

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Comfort TV

Leanne on Netflix. What I love about Leanne has nothing to do with what happens in the show. That is not the point. There isn’t a murder to follow or solve or a relationship to compare my life to. It is just a show and some laughs and that is exactly why I love it. It is cozy. It is comforting. It is a woman picking herself up with humor and a little southern God energy. It has that old school sitcom feeling that lets you exhale. Sixteen episodes, a laugh track, and a lead who feels like someone you would want to sit in a diner with and you know what ASK HER ABOUT GOD? It is the kind of show you put on when you want to be reminded that life can be simple and sweet and funny even when things fall apart. It also reminds me of another sitcom I loved Reba. I guess I love my southern divorced women.

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Rosalía new Album is Catholic Hot Girl Vibes

It honestly made me want to be Catholic, and apparently I am on trend because the New York Post says young people are flocking to convert

Rosalía is beautiful and operatic, and her new album LUX feels like her saying that God has given her so much, the least she could do was make an album for Him. It is mystical and cinematic, full of choirs and saints and divine longing, the kind of music that makes you believe in something bigger for three minutes at a time.

There is a pageantry to it, a ceremonial way of living we are all craving. Self help leaves you helpless. LUX gives you beauty and awe. You do not play it in the club, but you absolutely play it in the car, where it turns your commute into a tiny glamorous religious experience.

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Books I Have Not Read But Very Much Want To

The Correspondent by Virginia Evans

Part of my ongoing series Books I Have Not Read But Very Much Want To. I love that this one was not picked by any book clubs. Anne Patchett said yes to it, and honestly that is all I need.

It already has over 250,000 copies in print, which the Wall Street Journal says is basically unheard of for a debut. A real word of mouth miracle.

As far as I know, it is about a woman who tracks her whole life through letters and somehow makes that emotional and gripping. Sorry Oprah, you missed this one.

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Things I Heard on a Podcast

I listen so you do not have to, or maybe you will want to after this.

Once called Poog and now Berlant and Novak once said that electrolytes might actually be making you more bloated than you need to be. Specifically LMNT, the tasty salty little packet I have every single day because I literally cannot drink water without it. The way Kate Berlant said it made a real fear sink into me. I thought oh no, am I bloated too.

Years of being chubby have never helped me understand what bloat even is, but this made sense. Do I need that much sodium. I am not running a marathon. Will I stop. Absolutely not. But maybe you guys should.

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Where People Are Lining Up in LA

Community Diner Edition

Max and Helen’s, the new Phil Rosenthal spot in Larchmont, is taking over Los Angeles and TikTok at the same time. Full disclosure, I love it, and I think long term it will be great for the neighborhood.

Did someone wait eight hours for a waffle. Yes. Do I want that person to look within. Also yes. But when they finally walked in and the whole diner applauded, I thought this is exactly the kind of silly LA moment I live for.

The staff is warm, the place is truly family run. Lily Rosenthal is running the show, her husband Chef Mason is running the kitchen, and you can feel the heart in it. The lines are down the block and the locals are annoyed because they cannot get in, but who says a diner has to be quiet and easy. The patio is opening soon and more seats are coming, so everyone can calm down.

This is community. This is part of the search. And I love that it is all in honor of their grandparents, because I am a granddaughter kind of girl.

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A Brand Trend I Do Not Approve Of

The fake apology letter. I know everyone means well, but this trend feels like it waters down the whole idea of an actual apology. Brands say “we’re sorry,” and then immediately remind us how wonderful they are, which is sweet in intention but a little confusing in execution.

Honestly, I would love a simple brag. Just say you are proud of what you built and keep it moving. There is something refreshing about straightforward confidence.

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Gratitude for GDP Girls Do Not Pay

I am grateful for GDP Girls Do Not Pay, an idea invented by my friend Erin’s husband Simon Tikhman and now fully upheld by my other best friends Nico Mizrahi and Michael Kives. They will never let me pay. Ever.

And let me tell you, as a single person in a world of couples dinners, there is nothing more awkward than when the bill hits the table and everyone suddenly develops a rare form of temporary blindness. These three amigos have never once let me even pretend to take my wallet out.

My friends married well, and apparently I did too, by extension.

Grateful for anyone that reads this and doesn’t lock me up or send me to a healer.