Less Slop, More Agency

On choosing to participate in your own life.

I know we’re all a little allergic to reflecting on 2025 or predicting 2026. Everyone’s tired. No one wants a lesson. People already seem exhausted by 2026 and it hasn’t even properly started. I know I am.

But I’m also still in rest/ recovery mode. I am a pneumonia and flu survivor. A warrior. A hero. But enough about me. Truly. I am sick of myself.

Still, in Chinese astrology, we’re in the Year of the Snake, and we don’t enter the Year of the Horse until February. Which means there’s still time.

I tend to follow other calendars. You follow the Gregorian calendar? That’s sweet. I follow the moon. Even when I’m not totally sure it’s real. I mean, I am. But I know some of you aren’t. And I respect that. I also follow the Hebrew calendar. We’re in 5786, with a new month this Sunday. Shoutout to my Rosh Chodesh people.

What’s interesting to me isn’t the astrology itself. It’s the fact that so many of us want themes at all. Frameworks. A sense of timing. That alone feels like a cultural tell. We want movement. We want to feel like participants in what comes next, not just passengers.

And then Merriam-Webster named the word of last year “slop.” Which felt right. I think we’re shedding slop. The stuff that filled space without feeding anyone.

The color shift tells the same story. Last year was Mocha Mousse. Damp brown. Emotionally wet. This year moves to white. Not perfect white. A soft, breathable white. Less sludge, more space. It’s not a finish line. It’s a clearing.

Also, such a dumb color to make for the year. But I will find the theory in it for us all.

So as we move toward the Year of the Horse, the question isn’t speed. It’s agency. I also just learned what agency actually means, which helps. Agency is the ability to make choices and act on them. Got it.

The Horse is about movement, direction, forward energy. But you don’t get that without self-responsibility. Without deciding what you’re done pretending about first.

Right now, we’re still in the in-between. Between slop and discernment. Between damp beige and open sky. And honestly, that feels right. There’s no rush to gallop.

A few places where agency is already making itself known.

Bloodwork Is the New Wellness Obsession

I refuse to be proud of your Oura sleep score. Keep that to yourself.
But I would love to know more about your bloodwork. Show me your labs any day, daddy.

This feels like the next stage of wellness literacy. I’m not sponsored. Yet. But I already know I’ll be obsessed.

Enter Function Health. Founded by Mark Hyman. Yes, the six-pack hottie doctor from Instagram. And yes, a real, respected doctor.

Function is a membership-based lab platform that runs over 150 blood tests, twice a year. It’s about $355 right now. The pitch is simple: test more, test earlier, and actually understand what’s happening inside your body.

One of my BFFs, protected by my own version of HIPAA, did Function and found out she was iodine deficient. Not because she’s unhealthy. Because she, like the rest of us, swapped table salt for Maldon years ago. A tiny aesthetic choice quietly changed her biology. That is genuinely interesting.

Because here’s the truth. You can have a concierge doctor or a regular doctor and the experience is still mostly the same. Labs get taken. Numbers appear. Someone says “everything looks normal” and moves on. No synthesis. No translation. No help connecting how you live to what your blood is recording.

And do not talk to me about the portal. I can DM a doctor on Instagram faster than I can get my actual doctor to respond.

So of course people are pasting their lab results into ChatGPT and asking what they mean. I’m grateful for it. Not because it replaces doctors, but because it explains things medicine no longer has time to explain.

If we’re going to track anything, it should be our blood. Not our steps. Not our protein. Not our sleep. Blood is the only wearable that actually tells the truth to me.

We’re in the Post–Self-Help Era

I’ve always treated self-improvement as both a hobby and a habit. And if you want to know where culture is going, look at what it thinks needs correcting.

When I look at the self-help books being released in 2026—Grit, The Book of Boundaries, The Year of Less—I see a clear message. These books are not asking you to hire a coach. They’re not offering a system. They’re not promising transformation through experts.

They’re telling you to internalize authority.

Have grit.
Set boundaries.
Want less.

This isn’t a culture asking to be guided. It’s a culture being told to guide itself.

We spent years outsourcing our sense of direction to therapists (BetterHelp podcast ads, go away), wellness trends, optimization culture, gurus with podcasts. Somewhere along the way, self-awareness turned into dependence. The correction now is blunt and almost unsentimental: stop looking outward. Stop waiting to be told. Decide. Hold the line. Carry your own weight.

We keep Mel Robbins because she feels like the bridge. Less mystical than the gurus, more actionable than therapy speak. But even her message boils down to the same thing: you already know what to do. Just do it.

What’s interesting, too, is how spirituality sneaks back in through the side door, disguised as gratitude. Gratitude journals. Perspective shifts. Quiet thankfulness. Not God. Not faith. Too exposed. But gratitude as a socially acceptable way to think beyond yourself.

That said, those of us who believe in God know it’s always been about gratitude. So whatever gets you there, honey.

Jumping, Apparently

jump with me

Another thing everywhere right now on my Instagram and TikTok is jumping in the morning. Literally. One hundred jumps. There is talk that it’s good for the lymphatic system. Or the soul. Either way. Why not.

The idea is that jumping, sometimes framed as Qigong or a very simple routine, wakes the body up fast. Blood moves. Breath shifts. Brain fog clears a little. Lymph doesn’t have its own pump, so it relies on muscle movement and breathing. Hence the jumping. Hence the rebounders. Hence the rebrand of extremely basic movement as somatic work, the current wellness buzzword of the month.

It’s not magic. No one’s cured. Even experts say the benefits are modest, which honestly makes it more believable. What it does do is give you a clean energy lift and a bit more focus. Your nervous system gets the memo that the day has started.

I’ve started doing it. Counting to 100 is genuinely harder than you’d think, which kind of forces you to be present. I’ll report back on the benefits, but so far the only downside is realizing how long 100 actually is.

Admin Is the New Social Life

I blackout at the sight of an admin task. Lose your wallet. Need to order a new insurance card. And don’t even bring up taxes.

There’s a trend going around right now where people are getting together for something called admin night. I live alone, so it’s all on me. I know, I know. This is the year of taking self-responsibility. But the second admin appears, my brain shuts down and the song WHERE IS MY HUSBAND starts playing on a loop.

Admin night makes sense. Instead of going out, friends stay in with laptops, phones, snacks, maybe a glass of wine, and finally do the boring life stuff they’ve been avoiding. Cancel subscriptions. Book appointments. Answer the emails quietly haunting them.

Doing admin next to other people makes it feel lighter. Less shame-y. Somehow doable. Just enough accountability without turning into a self-improvement performance.

Last year it was game nights with friends. This year it’s admin night. Same snacks. More passwords.

The Point

And so, in conclusion to this TED Talk disguised as a Substack where I confidently predict trends, I will also be participating in them. Actively. Join me?

I will be getting my labs done, jumping in my living room, and hosting admin night, all while pretending this is very intentional and not just me trying to feel mildly in control.

I am also counting down the seconds to watching Tell Me Lies on Hulu and trying to get my hands on a GLP- 3. With intention.

It is almost the Year of the Horse. I am getting ready to gallop.
Come gallop with me. 🐎